What’s the path to depression?

It seems the one I’m at right now. At first I had tons of reasons. Then the time passed and now I should be ok. I should be better. But I still can’t sleep well. I still need to be so tired so I’m not able to think so that I can fall asleep easily. If I’m not tired, I think of him, and of him, and of him, and of him. Sometimes I manage to choose which one of them hurts less, fall asleep and dream of the one that hurts the most.

I loved his rationality and humor. And kissing to Bon Iver, among tall buildings and under the starry sky. Nature reminds me of him. And there is too much nature around me. (1)

I loved our own little world in which we shared love for movies, books and music. I loved being friends with him, but I’m so jealous, I could never be the real friend to him. (2)

He was my soul mate. If he didn’t have depression. The last person I’d expect to tell me goodbye without saying it. (3)

He isn’t important. But he’s still in my dreams. Why? I guess my heart became so weak that it can’t defend me from unimportant people. (4)

I’m waiting for someone to come, erase every one of them and put me to sleep, and I want to sleep calmly. But I’m not sure that there is solution for my hurt.

And that’s why maybe this is the path to depression. And I’m scared.

 

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